Today, things feel lighter than they've felt in a long time. That gap between the life I'm living and the life I think I want isn't large. I can't point to anyone or anything that needs to transform in order for "happiness" to occur, not even myself. Funny how things change most noticeably when I stop wishing they would change. I'm not even sure I want to be "happy" in the sense of smiling all the time. Mostly I want to be human and let myself feel all my feelings without pretense or shame.
I've tried on some attitudes these last few years. Jealous competitor. Angry feminist. Snarky reviewer. Unrequited lover. Underappreciated artist. I don't regret trying these energies, and they're still aspects of my soul and my ongoing story, but they don't function or fit as prolonged strategies for dealing with life.
When I think of words people have used to describe me, the ones that I most wanted to be true when I heard them were: "kind," "authentic," "genuine," "brave" and "goofy."
Clever, intelligent, accomplished, funny, witty ... these not so much. There's no resonance when I hear these words, like there is with the first list.
I will explore areas where I sense energy is already beckoning, if that makes any sense, where grace seems to activate in my life or where it's been pulling me. Every time I go with the river instead of pushing it something synchronistic happens. Something like a breakthrough or a confirmation of my path occurs.
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